Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
