Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
