Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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