True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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