after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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