Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car