im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dating After Heartbreak
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.