I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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