I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
