i don't like sucking hair
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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