I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
