why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i drank out of a bidet.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!