I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms