I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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