remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.