I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it