His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos