"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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