Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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