Don't you send me to vm
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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