yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
