Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
that's an acceptable place to lick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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