He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
