i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
