If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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