Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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