I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize