bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
