I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
