I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
