come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
