There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
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My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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