he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
