There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
