Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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