Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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