Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
