just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
