people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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