you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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