my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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