dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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