Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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