I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize