A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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