She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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