i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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