I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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