And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
