What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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