I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
