that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
