I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
