I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
