JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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