the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
