Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
