anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
