you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
