I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
