ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
