i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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