I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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