Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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