Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
