My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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