before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
