if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
